I'm giving it away! It's all got to go!

I did mention a PIF before, but it just keeps getting better...

One of the major jobs of my days off was to start preparations for Patrick to move out of the nursery and into his own bedroom. The room that is to become his is currently nominally my study, although I tend to move whatever I'm working on out to the kitchen so I can watch Patrick or talk to the other half, so the room is basically a repository of my ... crap.

So I'm having to rearrange most of the house to make way for places to store my ...useful materials and books. That means that lots of the stuff I have kept a hold of for a long time (well, two years since we moved here) is either going to have to be given to Vinnies OR... given away to YOU!

So stay tuned. I'm going to take some photos once I've finished cleaning out and then whoever likes the stuff the most gets it. Yay!

Pregnancy 2.0

20+2 weeks.

I'm starting to relive many of the dramas encountered with Paddy's gestation, but with a certain sense of nostalgia. Mixed with arthralgia. But thankfully not the almost obsessive checking for signs of miscarriage.

Remeber this fun?

1. Sacroiliac joint dysfunction. The sacroiliac joint is the joint between your sacrum- the large vertebra at the base of your spine- and the ilium- the part of your pelvis that gives rise to most of your buttock muscles. It's basically where the 'hip bone connects to the back bone'. Stability of this joint is responsible for you being able to put your weight on one leg as you swing the other leg through as you walk without the rest of your body sliding to the ground. So it should come as no suprise that instability of this joint causes major hassles. Pain hassles, mostly, but also sitting, standing and laying down hassles. Kneeling hassles, too. Basically any position where you body is required to be attatched to your legs. Like all the time.

This was a huge issue for me in the last few weeks of my previous pregnancy, and at it's worst I could barely put any weight on my right leg at all. It's already started. I can't carry Patrick and walk at the same time. Already. F@#k.

2. Swelling. I've been aware for about the last week and a half that my fugly outdoor clogs have been feeling a little snug. Then I stopped being able to wear my oxblood mary janes. Yesterday I tried to take my wedding ring off. I wake up most mornings looking like a 'before' shot for a detox programme, only to have the fluid slowly drain throughout the day to any dependant areas like my feet, ankles and hands. Probably also my bum, but it's already enormous so who would know. So far, touch wood, there is no sign of the dreaded Carpal Tunnel, but it's probably only a matter of time.

3. Tummy. Oh tummy tummy tummy. Bigger and better than ever. Most people assume I'm hittin' thirty weeks already. Nope. I was getting the washing out of the machine today and realised I had to stand side on to it because I couldn't get close enough with my tummy hanging out the front. I can't quite judge the distances I can squeeze through anymore (I tummy brushed a guy in S.pot.light today). Itchy, swollen and good for balancing things on. Oh tummy tummy tummy.

4. Weepiness. The other day I listened to a news report on people fleeing the strife in the Congo, and when I heard of women clutching children to them and running for their lives I had to pull over and turn the radio off. Normally anything that involves mothers and children elicits a strong reaction from me, but these days it's almost visceral.

5. Cravings. It was chocolate milkshakes with Patrick. This time it's chicken. That's not so bad except for one thing: I'm supposed to be a vegetarian.

6. Ahh, the sweetness of... fetal movements. Right now there is something going on down on the left side near my hip bone. Don't know, but it feels like he's trying to paint the walls with a long roller brush.

7. Vivid, weird dreams. I had this dream I worked in an office with Brad Pitt- it wasn't like I've ever really had a thing for Brad (either in RL or in my dream), but there he was. We used to give him shit for being such a himbo, and our office nickname for him was "Fluffy" because he was so cute and cuddly, just like a wittle puppy dog. Nothing untoward happened, it was just really vivid. Then last night I had a dream I was invited to an aquaintances' wedding, and my mum tagged along, got really drunk and started slagging off the other guests very loudly whilst making an absolute glutton of herself. I had a big fight with her about it, and woke up feeling totally worn out.

8. Forgetfulness and clumsiness. Ooops. Umm, what? Sorry. (stumble trip). Eh? Bugger.

Luckily Paddy is for the most part a neat freak and he likes to pick things up that I drop and give them back to me. It's cute, but today he also complained because there was "String on my train"- a stray cat hair on one of his carriages. Which he handed to me. And watched to make sure I put it in the bin for him. Odd, very.

What's cuter than cute?

The internets are faster again, not sure why, but I like it. I've catually finished the sewing projects I set out to do in this weeks off biz, but stashed up again at Spo.tlight- I had a $40 off voucher burning a hole in my handbag... I bought some stuff to make wraps for Copernicus/Thallium/Claudius/Phosphate - stretchy red polka dots with a stripe backing and some flannellette with sharks on it. Cute sharks, that is.

Anyway, back on topic...

I met my friend M at breakfast the day before I went into labour with Patrick. She was due the week after me, and her son L is about two weeks younger than P. She's now also expecting a second, due about 6 weeks before Enthalpy. L and P (also a delicious and refreshing drink- World Famous in New Zealand)(eh-hem) L and P have thus grown up pretty much at the same time, and we meet up at least once or twice a week. I didn't realise that L and P knew each other quite as well as they do until about a week ago, when we met up at a park for some playtime, and the boys started cuddling each other. And kissing. When we were walking back from the park Patrick was lagging behind (looking at beetles in the grass or somesuch) and L called out "Padwick! Padwick!" until P ran to catch up.

Yesterday we walked to the beach for some sand play, and L and his parents arrived a little later. When Patrick spotted L he started jumping up and down with joy, and as the two boys met, they gave each other a big cuddle.

Awwwww.

I'm pretty sure patrick is not going to absolutely relish the idea of giving up his rights to my full attention once Avagadro arrives, but I now feel secure in the knowledge that once he gets used to the idea, he will be a loving and affectionate big brother. Which just makes my heart swell with joy.

nOOOOOO

I noticed in the last 24 hours that the internets seemed very slow. Turns out this month we have exceeded our download limit and are stuck with dial-up until at least Monday, so I won't be either uploading or downloading any photos or videos.

Nor will I be able to listen to the radio. Ever noticed the Radio National link down there? I grew up spending (it seems like) most weekend afternoons in the sewing room with my mother listening to radio national as we showed- The Goons, The Radio Play, The Feminist Perspective, John Cargher's Music For pleasure and Singers of Renown, Awaye, The Science Show and all sorts of other things. I just can't sew unless I'm listening to someone tell me interesting and not-so-interesting things (in my later adolescence and early University years I knew it was time to go and study when Singers of Renown came on). I usually listen to a weeks' worth of Life Matters, interesting bits of The Science Show, The Health Report, The Law Report, All In The Mind, Ockham's Razor, Background Briefing, Lingua Franca, By Design, The Spirit of Things and anything else that looks interesting. But now I actually have to listen to live radio?

noooooooooooooooooo

Names from maths and science

Patrick was sick last night and I had to pick him up from daycare early. He vomited a further four times but luckily slept from about 7.30 until 5.30 this am and woke up full of beans.

When I was trying to see if I could get some food and drink into him last night (mostly drink, btw) I rang up my mum to see what I could give him in the way of solids (I had a mental blank) (Mum's a child health nurse) and this morning she rang to see if Pat was ok. She asked about how the scan went, and what I thought about having another boy. I told her it was good to be able to prepare for him, and makes him more of an entity than a completely unknown quantity. I told mum the 'Quantum' story, and she commented that she had seen a baby named "Axiom".

So to add to Quark now I have Axiom, Axis (or even Axys), Nadir, Zenith, Theorem, Kepler, Isosceles, Planck, Radon, Foucalt, Prion, Vertex, Aliquot, Bernoulli, Venturi, Copernicus, Fibonacci, Newton, Electron (Ron for short), Ion, and Pauli.

Abscissa, Inertia, Joule are all fine names for a girl if you know anyone that needs a suggestion (and you don't particularly like them).

Then there's always the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. I'm to henceforth be known as Revolver Trooper. (And Patrick is Comma Liberty).

Are there any glaring omissions you can spot?

...and I was thinking of 'Sophie'

Whilst in the Ultrasound waiting room I read a magazine that featured a boy called 'Quantum'.

I just suggested to MrT maybe 'Quasar' or 'Quark' might also be a good boy's name.

Well if he can have 'Raby the Baby' I can have Quark. So Quark it is





for now....

it's a Brother

Hello world!

Also true for 'Specialist Qualifications'

more music charts

Mummy's Boy

I have been aware for some time that if P wakes up at night, he generally calls out "Mummy! Here!" in preference to "Dadda, here!" which is, in one way, lovely- he relies on me to feel good, but it would be nice if he shared it around a bit, once or twice. He's generally becoming more demonstrative with his demands as well- during the day he will call out "Here!" if he wants you to come to him, rather than just the "Mamma" echolocation technique (He yells 'Mamma' and I say 'Ye-es' until he locates me) and just recently he has started to pull or push me in the direction he wants me to go. For example, we were at a lovely new park and I was sitting on a bench having a break when he ran up to me and started pulling at my pants, trying to get me off the bench; yesterday I decided to lie down on the couch and he put his hand under my head trying to lift it up; and finally, MrT took him to daycare yesterday, and when he realised I wasn't getting in the car he pointed urgently at the passenger's seat and called out "Mummy! Mummy! Here!"(point point)"HEE-YARR!" and apparently was in tears until they drove past the local hippodrome when he was distracted by Neighs (horses).

But last night was a total shocker- He howled for a good hour after I put him to bed and the woke about 45 minutes later and took a further hour and a half to go back to sleep. Normally, when he wakes and calls out, all he wants you to do is come in, say hi, stroke his hand or his face for a moment or two and then he'll push your hand away and you can walk away without tears. Not last night. He wanted to hold my hand. I thought it so unusual that I thought maybe something extraordinary had happened- he'd had a nightmare or he felt unwell, so I sat by his cot holding his hand until his breathing became slow and regular, thinking he'd be asleep. Nope. The minute I stood up he opened his eyes and started howling again.

I love it that when we are out we no longer have to always take the stroller if we are only going a short distance because he'll hold my hand and chat away to me (coming back from the supermarket Sunday we saw a Plane AND a Nee-Nah (ambulance) which caused much (mainly incomprehensible) chatter. He will hold my hand to cross a road. He won't wander too far away at a playground- he always checks to see I'm in view. These are all good things.

But when does clinginess become pathological?

The range of activities I can safely do at home is narrowing down dramatically, as he wants me present and participating in almost all aspects of his playtime. I used to be able to blog, read and send emails and write reports, sew, cook, do washing, hang out the washing and do basic housework, read a book or journal article or do some minor repairs (eg gluing something back together) but no more. I love it that he's growing up, changing, talking, running, jumping, interested in the world around him and he wants me to be a part of all of this- this joy at seeing him grow and develop, become his own little person with a sense of humour (slapstick and sight gags), personality (independant, curious and loving) and growing internal understanding of how the world works (I love to watch him try to figure something out- like how to fit his stacking cups together, how a clothes peg works, pouring water from one cup to another). It gives me so much pleasure that I couldn't imagine doing it only once- that and a deep seated biological urge were the two things that really made me want to have a V2.0 (and maybe even a v3, but that will be by negotiation with MrT and the college).

BUT

I didn't really expect motherhood to be so much a process of loss. Loss of independance I expected to some degree, but not nearly to the extent that it is. Loss of identity. Loss of expectation of what I could achieve. Loss of time on a daily basis.

Perhaps I was naiive. Perhaps I still am (Ok, I definitely still am). But some days I just want my old life back.

And then I see his smiling face and am plastered with a big, wet, tonguey kiss, and I know that there's more to life than what I can do as an individulal- what I can achieve as a team with my son is so much grander.

Street View, Schmeet View

I just discovered we are STILL not on street view.

I know I should be grateful for our intact privacy BUT even bloody OUSE is on Street View

Pronounced OOZE, for chrissakes!

New Mama Sacks

Within days of getting a BFP for V2.0 I discovered that the two maternity wear shops within walking distance of my house had closed down. No biggie, I thought, I'll just hit the burbs when it's time.

Not long ago, I started to strain the seams of all but my most forgiving (read 'elastic waisted') of regular clothes. So I dusted off the yellow pages and to my horror, found the only mat wear shops were over an hour's drive away (not counting, of course, Targ.et, Big.W and (shudder) Kma.rt- ok for the very basics, but not nice frocks, y'know).

So, i'm having to DIY. Quel horreur! I have to sew! What an imposition!!

Yes, i still have my clothes from Patrick's pregnancy, but they're oh, so very 2 years ago (I jest, of course. They are stored in a cupboard in Pat's room that's too tall for me to open and I keep forgetting to ask MrT before Paddy goes to sleep at night. That and having worn them almost continually for the last three months of P's pregnancy i am sick of the sight of most of them). I could also just buy plus-sized stuff, but the problem with that when you're already uncomfortably chubby is that this option only tends to make me look fat(-ter), not pregnant, and I really don't want to have people think I have really let myself go. (I'm already contemplating doing a presentation to our department meeting on something unrelated so I can slip it onto a slide for those not up on the office gossip who aren't in the know. Although, on the other hand, I did try that with my "Breastfeeding pharmacology and anaesthesia" talk which I announced was "a subject close to my...err...chest" but people still didn't get what this newly-returned-to-work-new-mum had to do for half an hour twice a day. Sheesh. Doctors. Well, male doctors, it has to be said can be pretty dim. Even the ones with lactating wives and partners. "You have to do what?" "Express.""Eh?""Lactate""We don't need a lactate on this gas, the patient's fine""Not the patient, (dumbarse), me""Sorry?""Look, if I don't go and pop my jugs out into a cup then there's going to be a sticky milky mess on the front of this scrub suit pretty soon!""Oh (reddening), I see". I digress (just a little)).

I've got two new patterns from companies I don't normally use- Kwik.Sew and Bu.rda- There are just so few maternity patterns- and then ones that aren't plain goddawful. Even in Vo.gue. And there's another thing- they all tell you to use your pre-pregnancy measurements for bust, but whothefark keeps an up-to-date measurement of themselves just in case they fall pregnant and need to make new clothes? (Erin, maybe you should!).
Here are some of the fabrics I stashed up on my first day off:




Here is Patrick helping me to pin the pattern out (he's so useful)

Here is Patrick doing a 'monkey see, monkey do' with his sunglasses (ever since I got a fringe cut I spend most of my day with either my reading glasses or my sunnies on top of my head to keep it out of my eyes. Dumb progesterone-induced idea).
And yesterday doing his bit for Movember with a milkshake.
And drawing with dadda a few days ago
The first frangipani of summer. Horrible, blurry phone photo

Mr 21st Century

Things patrick likes:
Butterflies, bees, ladybirds, cats, fishies, pink, shoes, brushing his teeth, flowers, the perfume counter at DJ's, pushing teddy around in a toy pram, kisses and cuddles, singing and dancing;

Cars, trucks, emergency services vehicles ("Nee-Nah"s), planes, gumboots, digging in the garden, running and jumping, trains, throwing and catching balls, playing with his doodle and sneaking peeks at boobies.

Well balanced boy, no?

It feels like I'm on holidays and sleeping in is not a sin

The powers that be have determined I have way too much leave accumulated, and have forced me into some days off. 18 in all, although that is only 8 work days, but, yeah, it's days off, innit, so who's counting?

I have shitloads that I need to do, from major building work in the laundry to replace termite damaged sections to researching APLS guidelines on paediatric weight estimates for my formal project [my emergency cesar project turned out to need ethics approval- and all the advice I have received is to run like hell away from anything needing ethics approval] so I don't think I will have all that much time off to just laze around and do stuff all, although I sorely want to do just that.

I'm going to try and do two things daily, though- go and do some laps at the local pool (it's only 25 metres which drives me insane but it is also just a handy three minute's walk away) and to try and write something lucid here. I have a post in my head about families, but I just can't think of a cogent way to wrap it up... I had yesterday off and tried to write this very post but my computer decided to shut down the wireless network so i couldn't post it and lost the lot. i also didn't go for a swim: I mowed the back lawn instead (we have a push mower- it's actually great excercise) and totally threw my SI joint out for the rest of the day.

I'm also thinking of a PIF too- whee!

More stream of consciousness...

1. I got a new laptop. I got sick of the old one being nearly full (there's at leats 30G of i-toons on there as well as some video that I will oneday get around to editing, and that takes up a fair whack of the hard drive) and so very slooooow that i just cracked the shits and went out and bought one. On my birthday. Oh- here's a tip; if you are sick of being ignored in electrical stores, bring in a rowdy toddler who wants to push the buttons on every single piece of equipment they have out on display and they will be at your side to get you the hell out of there in no time. When they discover you have money to burn you are their new best friend!

2. I'm loving spring. Our jacaranda that grows out of the back deck is in full purple bloom and looks awesome. Mangoes are getting cheap. The jasmine we planted is in bloom and covering most of the side fence and it smells magical. When we are out walking patrick loves to stop and sniff any flower we come across, and when he smells a particularly nice one, he "ooohs" appreciatively. Fabulous habit in a young man, and one I hope he never grows out of. We found the first frangipani flower of the season when we were out on a walk on Sunday, and inducted P into the flower behind the ear custom. Charming. There's nothing like seeing new leaves on bare wood to make you feel optimistic about life.

4. Up until a few weeks ago Patrick could not have given a flying figtree about the TV, but he's now sorely addicted. It's my own fault- too: I had something i needed to write for work and didn't want him to interrupt me so I put some DVD on, and now he's hooked worse than an old junkie with a habit. Luckily the content of his addiction is not too unbearable- Peppa Pig, In The Night Garden and Finding Nemo. He's not into the Wiggles, and I have also tried Bananas in Pyjamas ('Morgan' the Teddy Bear is one of my brothers' friends from high school, btw) but he's just not that interested. We've weaned him down to maybe an hour at night whilst I'm cooking dinner, but it doesn't stop him throwing an almighty tanty in the mornings. We've managed to distract him to some degree with trains- not long after he was born my s-i-l sent a B.rio trainset (well, actually the i.kea ripoff) in the post with a note on it saying "don't fight it- it's genetic" (my own father is a train nut. A real alive train spotter. When he and my mum travelled Europe a few years ago they did it on the seniors' equivalent of a Eu.rail pass, not so much because it was a cheap way to travel, but because Dad was so keen to check out European trains- like the AVE, the TGV and the ICE. My nephew L is also obsessed with trains- one of his first words was 'Thomas'. When he was about 4 my brother found an ad in the paper for train drivers, and l was so keen they applied on his behalf- "... what I lack in experience i make up for in enthusiasm..." and VicRai.l was so charmed they made him an honourary member of the train, tram and busdrivers union- he still proudly keeps the pin on his school bag).

5. V2.0 is now at 18 weeks. Next Wednesady is the morphology scan. I'm starting to feel some movement. I'm trying to find a non-twee ticker as I lose track these days- no luck so far. I'm starting to waddle, but I'm putting that down to the cranky SI joint. Eek.

More tomorrow! Promise!!

I'm relieved

I finished my morning list early today, so after a quick cuppa I went and set up for my afternoon list before I had lunch. Whilst I was in the anaesthetic bay drawing up my emergency drugs, the anaesthetist running the morning list in that theatre popped her head out to have a sip of coffee. We exchanged pleasantries and then I said "Oh, and by the way, there's currently a 10% swing to the democrats"

"Oh right", she said "How much do we need to win?"

Congratulation USA. A historic victory.