Sunday, April 05, 2009

39 weeks. Not that I'm counting...

Eh. So totally OVER it.

10 Things I will NOT miss about pregnancy:
1. Having only two pairs of shoes that reliably fit, and one of those is clogs and the other pair smell baaad
2. Mental health toenails
3. *Burp*. Reflux.
4. Snoring
5. Breathlessness
6. Waddling
7. Having the steering wheel hit your tummy.
8. Inability to move gracefully, at all, in any circumstance.
9. Not being able to cuddle or hug
10. Not being able to turn over in sleep witout waking up

10 Things I WILL miss about pregnancy
1. Baby kicks and belly rolls
2. Feeling of fertility and oneness with creation. And mothers everywhere.
3. Not having to bother about whether something makes you look fat. Everything is stretch and that doesn't matter and people tell you that you look glorious anyway.
4. Maternity leave prior to the birth. (Last weeks of freedom)
5. Thick, lustrous hair.
6. Long, strong fingernails
7. An excuse for a nanna nap every day
8. Meh-ness. Didn't get something done? Meh. It can wait. I'm ready for a nap
9. No period :)
10. Round, strokeable tummy. Secret dialogue with baby inside.

At the obstetrician's this morning we had an estimated fetal weight scan. My obstetrician skillfully avoided the "So, what's the magic number?" question by saying "Well, often it's position that determines how easy the birth will be, and that baby's in a good position right now, so keep up the letting your belly hanging free to encourage it not to go posterior (blah blah blah) Anything else you want to ask?".

"Yes. what was the estimated weight."

"Well often second babies are bigger than the first, and it's only a rough guide anyway. But I'm sure this one will just fly out. Have I talked to you about group B Strep prophylaxis?"

On our way out the door, I sneaked a quick look at my chart. Now, my obstetrician is a gentle, lovely man, and a good clinician and surgeon. But he has appalling handwriting. (I can assure you that it is no longer just accepted that all doctors have poor handwriting). But I managed to see something scrawled after "EFW" that started with a 4, followed by three other, scrawled numerals.

Over. FOUR. Kilos.*

Putting that in perspective, when the very same obstetrician did Patrick's estimated fetal weight, the number he came up with was 3220g. And Patrick's birth weight was... 3220g.

HMOG. JMJ. ROTFS(obbing)

Better start those pelvic floor excercises again.

Patrick news
Patrick has invented a new system of maths. Apparently any items that are of a multiple, but not very many of that multiple is "two". For example, two, three or four dogs are equivalent to two dogs. A larger amount is "four". An enormity is sedden (often mistaken for 'seven'). This makes counting easier: to go from any amount from one to very large, all you have to do is count "One, Too, Four, Sedden!" . In the wake of the GFC, I expect this may mark a revolution in economics. How much does the bank owe us? Oh, I expect it's a very large number. Maybe even Sedden dollars.

His new system of classification of arthropods I also expect to catch on. Very small creatures are ants. Larger creatures are ladybirds. Creatures on walls that don't move are spiders. Creatures that skitter around the room are ockroaches. Small flying insects are mozzies. Larger ones are either dragonflies or buff-lies depending on their prettiness.

Still other new classifications apply to vehicles. Small vehicles are cars. Larger vehicles are trucks. Agrarian vehicles are track-taas, and any vehicle sporting a top light is a NEE-NAH! Thus, a taxi is a car, but also a NEE-NAH! There are also NEE-NAH! Track-taas, and NEE-NAH! Trucks.

He's not afraid to tell us that anything he wants is "patrick's" including my chair, dinner or laptop. But anything he doesn't want is definitely mummy's. My mum has come up to help us out over the perinatal period (and to hold the fort if I go into labour whilst MrT is at work) and he is loving having Granma around; a captive audience.

Right-oh. Have to pee again.

I promise to try and update from my hospital bed if anything happens, so you will hear about it, don't worry. I'm also more well-educated in that I know I can actually leave the building to go out for a walk and leave the neonate at the nurses' station this time (strange how that got glossed over in the orientation to the ward, eh?).

So far: lots of tightening, and the last three nights I have been awoken by crampy pelvic pain not unlike period pain (!) but that went away after half an hour or so...

*That's at least 8.8 pounds. Patrick was 7.1


Blogger E, SS and the Little Man said...

Eh...Teo was 8 lbs. 6 oz. and I only tore a little bit. You'll be grand. I do have those birthing hips, though :)

I didn't know you were so close to giving birth. Other people's pregnancies go so fast, don't you know? Wow...good luck. I'm so happy for you! Paddy's going to be a big brother soon!

6/4/09 22:04  
Blogger jen said...

"...only tore a little bit..."

why does that not fill me with glee?

I am similarly blessed with Hips, but I'd prefer not to have to use them.

Yes, it seems to have flown. But now- every day is dragging...

7/4/09 00:05  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're a strong woman, jen. i'm sure you're strong in all the right places. little avogadro will just slither on out.

paddy is a genius. i love him from afar.

7/4/09 13:23  

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