Friday, March 24, 2006

Ow. That hurts.

Ok well, I was right, the grumpiness converted.

This now means we can start 'trying again'. Hmmm, it is going to be so much harder every time we do this, I expect. I don't imagine being able to relax at all this time around, not until I have a mewling newborn in my arms.

We missed our appointment with the Obstetrician on Thursady. I was doing night shift and mistakenly thought it was a Friday appointment, so I went swimming instead. But that's ok, gives me more time to compile a ridiculous list of questions to ask. Whilst I might be a doctor-type-person as my friend AliB puts it, I haven't done any obstetrics or gynae since, ohh, 1994, so my knowledge of things is a tad rusty.

My biggest concern is the low progesterone. When we were losing the last one, I suggested to my useless GP that maybe we should do some bloodwork to find out if there were any aetiology behind the miscarriage. One thing that turned up was a low progesterone. I remember the Ob looking at the result and remarking 'that's quite low' before putting it aside. And then, the other day I was flipping through my old results at work when I came across my last set of screening for my pituitary tumour. Turns out my luteal phase progesterone was low then too. From the most trusted source of information known to man (ie, the internet) I gather that the low progesterone thing is rather hard to treat. Looks like this is going to be much harder than simply doing away with contraception.

The whole thing gets me down. My thoughts run along the lines of...
1. Why me?
2. What can I do to stop it happening agin?
3. Please don't tell me to lose weight. I have tried and tried for about ten years now, with no result. I ave tried for so many reasons I just lose count. Unless you give me some sibutramine I'm just not going to be able to do it. And sibutramine is a category C or D
4. Why me?
5. Trouble getting pregnant. Uh huh.'
6. Why me?
7. I can't believe in an almighty who lets complete fuckwits and smackheads reproduce, but not the people who desire it the most.
8. Bloody catholic guilt. I'm being punished for the contraception aren't I. Well, I really get the point, God, like *really*. I'm sorry and I'll never do it again.
9. Why me?
10. How long do we try for before we have to go and explore ART or something even worse, surrogacy. Would we contemplate surrogacy? How in the hell do you go about it anyway? Is it legal in Australia?
11. I'm up to the third bottle of Folate. That makes it at least 180 days we have been trying.
12. Why me?

AAAArgh.

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