Monday, August 11, 2008

v 2.0 4+6/40

Well the faint line aint so faint anymore, it's really there. And I have developed brain fuddle to a seriously dangerous level. The nausea isn't too terrible- I've never been a vomiter, thank heaven, but I hate the horrible 'just turned my head too quicky, whoa, gotta sit down' feeling I get instead.

First trimester symptoms are the worst, because, apart from you, dearest internet, and your partner (who is sick of hearing about them) you can't whinge about them without letting on you're up the duff. I do feel definitely different this time around- less 'glowing feeling in the pelvis' more 'gotta pee'.

FWIW here's my list of 1stT hates

1. Having to pee all the time. Especially now after one va-jayjay birth the "Old pelvic floor she aint what she used to be, aint what she used to be, aint what she used to be". I mean, not total old-ladyness, just more hells bells get out of that loo NOW! It's not so bad at work when I have a bunch of really quick cases to do - like hour-long choles or whatever, because I can just nick to the loo which is conveniently between recovery and the rest of theatre (even if that does mean I'm sometimes going in there with ampuoles of Fentanyl, Ketamine and Midazolam in my pocket- I mean, it does look seriously dodgy, I'll admit it, but a girl's gotta pee, right? And I never come out with them open, right?). But then there's the 6-hour long hand extravaganza (reattatch nerves, blood vessels, tendons, etc etc etc) where I'm literally hopping up and down and praying I don't sneeze.

2. Head fogging.
I have a bad case of domestic blindness. "Where's the spatula?" "Umm, the one in your right hand?". And I keep forgetting things like... shoes. I forgot to put shoes on. Thank christ I don't have an exam to study for this time, because that sucked majorly.

3. Tiredness.
I just commented on Matt's blog that it's like having done a week of 12-hour night shifts, but you have only just got out of bed. Seriously. Yesterday I started to nod off at work. Although anaesthetists dozing on the job is not unknown, it is frowned upon, and it seriously freaked me out. We were doing a god-awful orthopaedic procedure on a very fit well guy, but I had1. Just had lunch 2.Was wearing an enormous lead gown- we use portable x-ray machines for ortho operations, and if you're 'in the family way' you're meant to wear two on your lower half. I don't want to give anything away at this early stage, so I wore the biggest one I could and kind of bunched over in my chair so there were two layers over my pelvis. A lead gown is exactly as heavy as it sounds. 3. am pg.

4. Running out of breath.
Gotta love progesterone. By even this early stage of pgcy, the amount of progesterone you produce makes you breathe faster to get more oxygen for your hypermetabolic state (which is also responsible for the tiredness). I found last time(s) that the feeling of shortness of breath started at about 5 weeks and didn't stop until 40 (or 39+5 as it was). Hating it. Went for a swim this morning and felt like I was going to drown- no so much for unfitness (which I am) but that I couldn't breathe fast enough...

5. Belly bloat.
That lovely PMT bloat just never goes away, does it? Great.

6. Not Knowing.
Is this to be the first in a series? Can I allow myself to think about the future? Should we be planning? Should I be in healthy denial until 12 weeks? Is it healthy?

I'm not sure how to feel, so I'm just going to go with that ambiguity and live day to day. Day to freaking day.


Anonymous Constance said...

Glad to hear I'm in good company. I'm thinking of starting a petition to allow naps at work. And we can't allow ourselves to "plan" yet either. I know the odds are good, but I also am very familiar with so many not-so-good stories. Positive thoughts, positive thougths :)

12/8/08 05:57  
Blogger jen said...

Thanks Constance- great company indeed! I'm seriously hoping that you at least have a trouble-free time because you have already been through so much, whereas I know (I have cuddly proof) that I can do this...

17th April. Sound near enough to you?

12/8/08 22:18  
Blogger E, M, and the Little Man said...

Regarding #6, I'm with Constance, positive thoughts... (although I've not been through 3 MC's is it? I read some of your archives a while back, so I can see why you're cautious).

Hopefully I'll be in the same boat soon enough. Although I was thinking about the nausea and the tiredness of the first T the other day and not relishing the thought one.little.bit. (and god help me, this time it will be working full-time and having a little man running around). This is being presumptious that I will get pregnant, of course.

12/8/08 23:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh the tiredness. it's overwhelming. how are you keeping up with little P?

13/8/08 05:15  

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